The Unexamined Life of Death

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” –Socrates

But what about unexamined death? Around this time of year, I always think about death. Mostly because… well, everything is dying. Trees drop their leaves. Things wither. It gets cold outside. And Halloween, of course. This year, I’ve been noticing how closely the holiday is associated with death. Usually, I just associate it with candy and things that are scary. But then I thought about these things:

He's just lonely

-Grim Reaper

-Skulls and Skeletons

-Mummies and Zombies

-Vampires

-Ghosts

For some reason, these consistently top the list of typical Halloween figures. All these personages share one common denominator—death. They either symbolize death, have gone through it, or could kill you. Or all of those, as is the case with the zombie. At the very least, they’re supposed to scare you. Why? Why do mummies feature more largely into the Halloween holiday than swamp monsters do? Why is a cemetery—a place for the dead— such a typical setting for spooky Halloween stories? Yeah, it’s probably got to be really weird when the dead come alive again (1 Corinthians 15:21-22). Still though. Around Halloween, we like to get scared – to death, and by death.

Death’s scary because it’s unknown.  It’s the last frontier that everyone gets to cross into but can’t really get coached on beforehand.  For some reason, I’ve always been drawn to death-- in the same way as I’ve been drawn to black holes (not necessarily in a “gosh, I’d really like to try that someday”—but in a terrifying, strange, and fascinating way). When I first found out the power of a black hole, I was terrified. If a black hole could capture light, then certainly it could move faster than light, and could just hop out of nowhere and swallow our little planet before anyone had time to react! Then the earth would be gone and everything we’d ever worked for would be demolished in one fell swoop. Then, I started learning about black holes, and became less frightened and more in awe. For example, we can guess what a black hole does to the dimensions of space and time, and hypothesize, but no one really knows for sure. Kind of like death—except death does come to everyone. I think in our culture, we either try not to think about death, or we convince ourselves it’s so far off that we don’t have to worry about it.

Death is one huge thing that gives meaning to life, like dark gives meaning to light, and vice versa. They really can’t have meaning without each other. Death’s mystery doesn’t have to be scary—it can also be beautiful and make us think more seriously about our existence. The fact that we have limited time means that we have to make choices about how to spend it. Good health is appreciated more after one has been sick or had a near death experience. But facing death also does make us want to be productive, create bucket lists, spend our time more wisely, and figure out the things that are most important to us.

M. Scott Peck, one of my favorite thinkers, says that death is the ultimate narcissistic injury—like failing a test or getting picked last or not getting a job—but hundreds of times more heavy.

“Nothing threatens our narcissistic attachment to ourselves and our self-conceit more than our impending obliteration,” he says.

No kidding.

It’s natural to fear death and anything that becomes a reminder of it.

Still, he says, there are two ways to consider death.

The first is common—we fear it, avoid it, and put it out of our minds. We don’t think about it, and get scared, uneasy, or sad if we have to think about it. 

The second is to face it smartly and face it as early as possible. Huh? Face death?

“Insofar as we can overcome our narcissism, we can overcome our fear of death. For people who learn to do this, the prospect of death becomes a magnificent stimulus for our psychological and spiritual growth. ‘Since I’m going to die anyway, what’s the point of preserving the attachment I have to myself?’ And so they set forth on a journey towards selflessness.”

Facing death involves a stripping away. It whittles down all the accoutrements of success, talent, popularity, achievement, material possessions. It forces us to ask questions and make journeys. These journeys aren’t always easy. But, the less fearful we are of death, the less fearful we become of life. This, according to Peck, is the basis for learning to become more loving.

“No longer burdened by the need to constantly protect and defend ourselves, we are able to lift our eyes off ourselves and truly recognize others. And we begin to experience a sustained, underlying sense of happiness that we have never experienced before as we become progressively self-forgetful and are able to remember God.” We are able to see deity at work in our lives.

He makes it a point to say that while religion can help people to reckon with death, in the end, everyone has to settle with dying personally at some point. Plus, all the major religions tell us that “the path away from narcissism is a path toward meaning in life.” The message of these religions is “learn how to die.” Buddhism and many other eastern religions advocate the idea of losing one's ego and becoming one with the world. The idea echoes in John 12:24, and when Jesus paradoxically says that if we lose our lives, we’ll find them. Christian baptism by immersion is symbolic of death and rebirth, as are many other religious rituals.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suicidal. But I think about death a lot. I believe that facing death and coming to terms with our ultimate fate can awaken us. It invigorates us and makes us see that our curse is also our blessing—that we can live purposefully with the time that we have left.

I admire literature, art, and music pieces that re-examine the topic with honesty, questioning, and true interest. I admire it when artists personify death without making it a grim reaper. I think we can learn a lot from death, and these genres and forms are uniquely suited to present it in a way that can help us grow. Here are some creative works I love—to death.

Movies

Meet Joe Black—I could go on for days about how much I love this movie. Maybe I’ll write about it sometime. Death comes to life as “Joe Black,” and is endearing and frightening, innocent and cunning at the same time. Death falls in love with life, doesn’t want to let it go, but has to. While on his trip, he powerfully reminds those he touches what is important in life, especially Bill Parrish, played by Anthony Hopkins. Everyone should see this movie. If you know me, I might let you borrow it.

Departures—this movie won an Oscar for best foreign film the year it came out. In Japanese culture, touching the dead is seen as taboo, but people have to do it because people die. When a man has to “depart” from everything he’s known and start a job in the morgue/funeral industry, he realizes that there’s much more to death—and life—than he thought before. Beautiful movie. If nothing else, the score will make you cry.

Ghost Town—This movie is great because it is hilarious and poignant at the same time. Again, death teaches a dentist to become vulnerable, to let others in, and become healed through love. It tells a great “trooth.”  (There are some really great puns, also)

Literature—

The Book Thief- While I haven’t made it through the book enough enough, I do know that Death is the narrator, which is awesome.

La Dama Del Alba—This is a Spanish Play where death is the heroine. I don’t really remember a lot about it except death is personified as a woman (who happens to be the heroine). I read it in Spanish class.

Television Shows

Pushing Daisies—While Ned has the touch of death, he also has the touch of life. And though mostly whimsical, the series also touches on pretty heavy themes in life—like regret, choices, becoming vulnerable, telling the truth, and… well, there are more. The two main characters do an excellent job.

Music

Death and All of His Friends—Coldplay’s Viva La Vida soundtrack featured death quite a bit. In fact, this band is often facing death artistically. I particularly like “Now My Feet Won’t Touch the Ground.”

Waltzing Past the Grave—Jay Clifford. A lovely little waltz.

And of course, I couldn’t leave the table without mentioning this LOTR quote:

“PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.

GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?

GANDALF: White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

PIPPIN: Well, that isn't so bad.

GANDALF: No. No, it isn't.”