A Birthday Present to Myself

I haven't blogged in a while. I won't say I haven't been busy. But I can't really say that I have, either. Whenever I think about blogging, I think "oh, but there are far more important things that you could be doing." And then I continue to putter around, doing nothing useful, really. I wish I had more time. I really do. Having too much to do leaves me paralyzed by choice. But a friend asked me why I haven't blogged lately, so I decided to start again.

Anyway. One of the biggest things on my mind is the future. The big furry but fuzzy future. Graduation fast approaches. And I have no super-duper solid plans. I'm considering going back east and doing an internship back there. I'm also considering going on a mission.

But there are some things in the future I can predict. Like my birthday. I'll be 21 on 14th of December. Orruther, I'm almost 99% sure I will be 21 on the 14th of December :). This is the last time (crossing my fingers) that my birthday will coincide with finals (This year, I get to wake up at 6:30 to take a final on my birthday... yay!). In years past, my birthdays have been all right. My birthday is just another cool day of my super-cool life (minus the 7:00 final). But, as you might imagine, these birthdays are somewhat overshadowed by the end of the semester as well as other holiday parties and busy-ness brought about by Christmas.

So this year, I'm being proactive. There are a couple of things that I have always wanted for my birthday that I've been denied because of the season and other circumstances. But this year, I'm having the birthday I've always wanted.

1. Watermelon-- My favorite food, hands down. Never in season in December, and super expensive anyway. So this year, I mixed the remainder of my last beloved watermelon of the season with some ice cream, put it in a tupperware, and froze it, with a "Do Not Open Til December 14" warning and subsequent happy birthday message to my future self from my past self. :) I'm really excited to see how it tastes.

2. Pinata-- As a child, I was always put out by the fact that Pinatas just aren't done in December. My younger brother, whose birthday is in July, would normally always have a pinata. And because I was older than him and his friends, I was always at the end of the line to hit it, so, inevitably, it was done with before I even got a whacking chance. You can see my put-outedness in the picture below. I'm on the left.



So you can bet I'm getting myself a pinata for my birthday this year. And I'm up to bat first.

3: There aren't a lot of things I can do about the weather, but I love summer way more than winter. I'm going to pray December 14th is at least sunny, since a balmy 70-75 degrees is an improbable wish.

So what's the plan, Stan?

Well,I'm going to have a huge awesome party and invite all the people I love and like. It'll be a sensation. A dalmatian sensation... or a Luau/fiesta combo. With live music and delicious food. Consider this an invitation, if you know me even semi-well and you aren't a stalker. And happy birthday to me soon!

It has been a while. Wow. And I had all these goals at the beginning of the summer. Looks like I'll have to jam everything I wanted to do into these last few weeks before school starts again.
One of my goals I've failed on is eating better. So I did make some delicious creamy corn the other night, which probably wasn't the healthiest, but it was good. And so EASY! And SO CROCKPOT!!! Of all my weaknesses, it would be cooking. I hate preparing food. It's my shame to admit that I've really lived off of otter and astro pops this summer. And toast with honey... which is God's saving grace to the college student. But honestly, it's like whenever I think about food, I go into a catalepsy and my muscles all freeze together and I can't even think. I know I need to eat healthy. I just keep procrastinating. There's also the trouble of buying food. In case you haven't realized, healthy food is more expensive. And you just end up eating it anyway! Sometimes I feel out of place, being the offspring of my Julia Child-like mother. I think some traits got mixed up in heaven, and my cousin Madi was born with the cooking/domestic life traits. I got left with the skills that won't help in the apocalypse, like painting and writing. Anyway. Here's my idea. Romaine Lettuce. Cool Salad dressing. Salad toppings. Voila. Easy salad bar every night. And pretty healthy, too. If I mix it up with different toppings, I won't get tired of the same thing, right? I mean, look how many cool salads Wendy's has come up with recently.

And just so you know, if you haven't tried watermelon with ice-cream, it is about the best thing on God's Green Earth. Dare I say... orgasmic? ;)(Oh yes I did just use that adj.) That's how good it is. Also good if you kind of let the watermelon and the ice-cream melt together, then make a popsicle out of it. Delicious. Well, that's all for tonight folks!

Breaking News

PROCRASTIN… what?
NEW JERSEY--Merck Laboratories announced today in a press release that they will begin public marketing for their newly developed drug called PROCRASTIN ™. Meant to battle the ongoing battle many face with deadline anxiety, the general passage of time, and other stress disorders, the new drug claims to cool down overly active endorphin levels as well as providing a general calming relief to the user.

In early animal tests, the drug was hailed as being the Prozac of stress. The scurrying of lab rats declined to a light skip and a jump. What’s more, the hamsters’ mating habits and subsequent offspring production decreased by nearly ten-fold. “Suddenly,” says Dr. Weightmore, Procrastin’s production team leader, “It was as though the hamsters, after being administered the drug, considered each other, and just thought: ‘Meh—this can wait.” Dr. Weightmore ensures that these types of libidinal results will not affect humans, only rodents.
“The point is that they’re calming down. It’s really a miracle, and we’re excited to present it to pharmacies all over America,” said the doctor.

Side effects of the drug are still being studied. In some early human cases, the strength of the drug was so potent that participants actually stopped taking it, some citing that after the first few doses, they just decided “I’ll take another tomorrow.” A handful of other cases revealed people losing their jobs, destroying relationships, developing acute cases of boredom.

On the other hand, another set of cases revealed that participants in the testing experienced high bursts of creativity and spontaneity: results which other drugs have seldom produced. Some participants (or those close to them) reported the drug causing a manner of strange symptoms such as: singing loudly along to Journey in bedroom mirrors, taking uncharacteristically long naps, extending and elaborating during conversation, developing engaging hobbies such as cutting out fashion magazines, and of course, eating. While these activities are highly interesting and engaging, they are perhaps not efficient, relevant, or beneficial to the parties involved. “It was just weird,” Henry Mow (Pittsburg) says of his wife, Molly, one of the first to try Procrastin. Says Henry: “She started… learning piano, cooking. I think there was something else she was trying to ignore, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. And yeah, I ended up doing the taxes this year, hours before the April 15.” Molly herself commented: “You know, I do feel like there’s something—strange about the product, in a way that I can’t put my finger on… but I don’t need to find out right now, it’s really not that urgent. I mean, I’m fine, right?”

Despite the ambiguous and evasive compliments given to the drug by Molly and those like her, critics predict that the reception of the drug by the masses will fail miserably because it can only suspend symptoms of stress, and will not actually treat the cause. “Sometimes,” says Dr. Footbear, one of the drug's foremost critics, “the only way to really get that nagging feeling to go away is to actually sit down with the stressor and work it out. Get it done.”

On the historical cue of Dr. Footbear, Dr. Weightmore stopped waiting and discussed the possibilities of perhaps developing a parody drug to Procrastin called Prudentin (not to be confused with Colgate’s Prodentin) which will get people up and moving. His first words after meeting with Merck's execs a few days ago: “Well, I talked to the heads. They kind of want to wait and see how this first batch of Procrastin goes. You know, it’s more chemically difficult to make a drug that will enliven people than one that will slow them down. Science has proven: entropy’s always easier. I think the real answer is because our desired slogan for this new drug has already been taken by Nike. But like they said, we’ll just wait and see. It’ll happen some day, I’m sure.”

Until that day comes, there’s nothing wrong with trying out the newest trend in medicine! Procrastin will be available in drugstores everywhere tomorrow. Or the day after that.